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ZaKuroHitotsu
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Name: Jon
Country: United States
State: Ohio
Gender: Male
Interests: Drawing, Writing, Computers, Games, Basketball, Track, Food and just about everything else
Expertise: Pole Vault, I am pretty good at that. Some say I am good at Drawing too so I guess you can consider that and expertise. Bumming.....im very good at that :-P
Occupation: Student
Industry: Other
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  jnsm2530
Member Since:
1/11/2003
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| I spent a part of my evening trying to write this and decided that I'm going to organize my thoughts a bit more and then write it. For now I will allow you to contemplate on the title a bit more before I write it. As you may have guessed its not going to be an entry full of solace Jonathan | | |
| Nice guys are hard to find. Sometimes to the point where nice guys can't even find themselves. They become so entrapped within a facade that they create in order to prevent anything from going wrong, that if they uphold this facade too long they end up becoming that facade. Typically a nice guy facade is made to protect ones ego and self esteem or even his true identity. But why do this? Why uphold this to protect things that can only change if you allow them too? The thing is not everyone knows how to to not listen to opinions about themselves. That is what it comes down to is that occasionally people are so focused on feeding their egos or maintaining their self esteems that they will take any kind of criticism so that they are fulfilled, no matter whether its for the better or worst. Everyone is desperately seeking some kind of approval to feed their egos or self esteems that they forget how to close this pathway so that not to allow the "pathogens" from entering. Eventually these pathogens build up and then the alter ego becomes the primary ego and the other is then lost for who knows how long of a time. Only when a series of events will trigger the nice guy mentality to come back and then the individual realizes that he has been living a lie and that the lie he has been living is just not worth keeping. But now here is the dilemma that the nice guy has to deal with. Depending on the duration of the lie, determines how committed they are to this. The longer, the more strings(habits, friends, etc) they have developed which then makes it even harder to make a clean break from the lie. And even if they do make the clean break, what is there to fall upon. One has to start all over again and then learn to fully commit as they did with the facade that got them into trouble in the first place. Only then will true happiness be achieved when the individual realizes that he can only be content if he lives the life that he was meant to live not the life he thinks he must live. He must learn to close the pathway and take the criticisms that will occur from the hypocrisy of changing into the individual you were trying to hide. That process is too painful in the view of most people not to mention difficult and we as humans are indolent, forever seeking the easiest way to achieve a goal. So most individuals keep the facade and remain miserable deep inside, only because its easier to deal with. Everyone knows this facade, they have attached the label to you and you will forever be known as this label, even though its only the label that is worthy of the facade and not the true you. But then that brings up the next dilemma. What is the true you? Is it what you started with, or what you have grown to create? How do you know? That is the final dilemma. One must ask themselves if they are happy with who they are, and then ask if they are really happy, and then finally ask, "If I were to change, would I be happier". Again this all comes down to the ability to realize that in order to be happy one must realize that they can NOT have their identity tarnished, their self esteem destroyed, or their confidence diminished UNLESS they fail to know themselves and allow for the pathogens to run their course. One must learn to close the constantly open pathway that feeds the ego in order to protect themselves. Too much of anything can be a bad thing as they would say, granted I modified it just a bit so that it would be pertinent to what I was trying to express. And here is my final thought on all of this.
I know that I am a nice guy and I did allow for this to happen. I put up a facade to deal with the anxiety of failing to prove myself as equal to the group that I associated with. Not with just the Fraternity but also the Track team and with my closest friends. I despise drinking and I have no idea why I do it. I have finally said to myself that I will not take this anymore, I will not live a lie to myself. Of all people I am the only person that I am truly with for all time, I am the only person that will forever have my own back, I am the only person that will help me when no one else can *this is not including any religious views, strictly and individual thing*. Why be self destructive, when it only hurts me in the long run and typically would end in heart ache. I refuse to fall into any stereotype that I have established for myself over the years though some may still apply the ones that I will tear down are the ones that take stabs at my nice guy status. The typical "frat boy" being one of the major ones I must get rid of. I have finally made it into the last third of this process however this is the tricky part of it all. Its dealing with the hypocrisies that are going to ensue. And if I am not strong enough, the process only repeats itself. I must remember that if people can not accept me for who I really am then they are no asset to me. So I leave you with a poem and tell you why this all occur, someone that finally stood up to the asshole I have become. It was all I needed and I am forever thankful...
"The Man In The Glass"
When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf
and the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
and see what that man has to say
for it isn't your Father ,Mother or Wife
whose judgment upon you must pass...
The fellows verdict that counts most in your life
is the one starring back from the glass.
Some people might say your a straight shootin chum
and call you a wonderful guy
but the man in the mirror says your only a bum
if you can't look him straight in the eye
he's the fellow to please never mind all the rest
for he's with you clear to the end
and you've passed your most dangerous test
if the man in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
and get pats on your back as you pass
but your final reward will be heart ache and tears
if you've cheated the man in the glass....
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| Go after the same girl that a brother likes or sit back and let him at her???
Eh I was never one for competition anyway....
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| That the average person is very unobservant........
Jonathan Smith
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| Get GRE study guide CHECK
Make Flash Cards IN PROGRESS
Study Flash Cards PENDING
Study Study Guide PENDING
Find Grad Schools CHECK
Find Requirements for Grad Schools CHECK
Meet Requirements PENDING
CHECK= accomplished
PENDING= will be done just not at the moment
IN PROGRESS= what I'm working on now
Grad Schools that I'm interested in:
University of Cincinnati
Colorado University
Michigan University
Northwestern University
University of Pittsburgh
Biggest goal for now is to get this stupid GRE over with....erm
Jonathan
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